This series of posts by the Born Freelancer shares personal experiences and thoughts on issues relevant to freelancers. Have something to add to the conversation? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.
Freelance writers and imposter syndrome
I’ve read a lot recently about the many different types of people who experience “imposter syndrome”—the feeling that they don’t truly deserve or have the right to the success they have achieved. It might be fleeting and occasional or consistent and ever-present.
Freelancers, as a group, might be particularly susceptible to it.
Almost every freelancer I know has confided in me that they have felt like a complete imposter at some time or another.
I have too.
Why would we feel this way?
- Freelancers constantly face rejection and criticism
Although in time we may build up a defensive armour, over the long haul they still can inflict a negative impact. They can continue to subconsciously undermine our sense of self-worth and self-confidence even as our careers substantially improve. - Freelancers know we frequently rely on timing and good luck in the advancement of our careers
The introspective freelancer is acutely aware of this and may give it far greater weight than it deserves, ignoring their hard work and natural talent. - The typical resume of a freelancer may look impressive but we know its elements often only came together at the last moment and despite severe provocations
Looking it over we may feel it is a fraudulent document as it only lists our successes—and not our many, many failures. - Freelancers scramble for work every day
This constant battle to keep afloat can imprint itself so deeply that even when finally successful the impulse is to keep scrambling. Such feelings of perpetual career instability (real or imagined) hardly feels like the stuff worthy of praise or accolades. - Each freelancer has a career arc uniquely their own, which often appears to break all the established rules of conventional employment
It may feel like a house of cards ready to fall at any time.
How can we alleviate it?
- Learn to genuinely and humbly accept who we are and what we do
- Accept that what we do can be good and valuable and appreciated
- Understand that feelings of unworthiness are irrational and unsupported by facts but that almost everyone has them now and then
- When confronted with acclamation and praise, we must learn to accept them with the same internal calmness and resoluteness with which we must also accept criticism and rejection. We should not take either too seriously
- We must separate ourselves from our work just enough so that our self-esteem and self-confidence are not constantly fluctuating with the success or rejection of our work. Family and friends are our most important sources of support
- We must truly believe that feeling like an imposter is ridiculous and absurd (unless you really are an imposter!)
My worst experience of “imposter syndrome”
I was, once upon a time, working for a popular television outlet albeit as a lowly junior freelance writer. I heard that there was to be a big party to launch a brand new show with a young rising star. More importantly there would be lots of free food and drinks. Trust me, to a young struggling freelancer, it was the availability of free food and drinks that made me decide to attend.
So I went along to a fancy hotel ballroom and was granted admission. As I surveyed the crowded room I was immediately panicked. Everyone seemed at ease and comfortably chatting, laughing and boasting loudly about their work. I didn’t know anyone and I felt a complete fraud. What right did I have to be there?
It was, looking back on it, my worst experience in which I felt the extreme depths of depression and despair caused by “imposter syndrome.”
That is, until I spotted a nervous-looking woman standing all by herself near the food table. A kindred soul? I hesitatingly started up a conversation and much to my relief she seemed happy to chat. We quickly agreed it was an awful party, that neither of us knew anyone, that everyone else seemed to be happy and confident and that we both felt like fakes and imposters.
It felt wonderful to know I wasn’t the only one there who felt out of their depth and like a complete fraud. Belatedly I asked her name and what she did.
She looked at me quizzically and then smiled.
It turned out…the party was for her and her new show. She was, in fact, the “young rising star” who was to go on to much critical acclaim and success.
But all that was in her future. At that exact moment, she Inexplicably felt the same way I did.
The takeaway
Looking back, all these years later, I realize probably almost everybody at that party felt like a fraud. It’s just that they were better at hiding it and pretending they didn’t feel it. Perhaps that is another way to combat it.
As for me, I felt unexpectedly empowered that day. If a “young rising star” could feel the same way I did, then somehow I instinctively realized “imposter syndrome” (as we now call it) was something so irrational, so absurd and so ridiculous I could no longer allow it to have any sway over me.
To this day, if I ever catch myself starting to feel like an imposter at any time under any circumstances I just remember that party and the perspective it ultimately gave me. The feeling soon subsides.
If you too occasionally feel it, I hope you now know you are not alone. And that it can be overcome and/or successfully managed.
Although not an officially recognized psychiatric disorder, “imposter syndrome” can also become debilitating for some sufferers. Should you find it continuously undermining your work—or any other aspects of your life—you may want to seek professional counselling.
What about you? Ever felt like an imposter, professionally? Why? What did you do to alleviate your feelings? Let us know using the comments feature below.